More controversy on this here Hump Day!
Let me preference this post by saying “Please don’t text, email, Facebook, contact me period asking if your man has said anything to me! I’m like a dude, respect the code man 🙂 !
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the number 1 question I get from guys since entering the fitness industry as a professional is…
Lol, yeah so, couldn’t get any fellas in trouble!
I used a picture that clearly is irrelevant! S/O to my lifetime pastor & even bigger S/O to his 80+ y/o wife who is still fit, fabulous, & rocking the 6 inch stilettos every Sunday, when she’s able to come!
Back to these younger cats….
Have you invited her to your class?
What makes you dedicated to working out?
What can I do to motivate her?
TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Him: How can I get my wife to work out?
Me: Offer to go with her and to help out with the kids activities and chores around the house
Him: I HAVE, she is just lazy!
Me: She will have to decide for herself, but you need to make it easy for her. It’s hard to prioritize from being a mother (so I hear), working, being a wife, & working out regularly. Do as much as you can to help out with her other multiple roles in the household.
Him: That doesn’t work & she thinks she looks just fine, but that’s not what she looked like when we got together.
Me: Well I don’t know what to tell you. I can only invite them and you can only suggest, but you should love unconditionally, blah blah blah
Some of these men admit to (make this an excuse to) going as far as cheating and pin pointing this as the reason.
Hummmmm….
Ok, so I don’t condone this malarkey, I’m just telling you the types of conversations I’m afforded as a fit girl but more so since becoming a fitness instructor.
I personally think that men who cheat will do so, no matter what your physical appearance is, but I also get a ton of complaints about women letting themselves go.
I say, set the goal of living healthy and active lifestyles, but do it for YOU!!!
I’m just sharing food for thought on a Wednesday! I don’t necessarily care for the taste of the food, but nevertheless, I’m sharing!
Rx Fitness Lady wants to know…
- What kind of ridiculous foolishness are you afforded by way of your profession, side hustle, position in an organization, etc. ?
- Ladies, are you turned off from your man when he gains weight?
- Do you think it’s fair for people in a relationship to desire the original physical appearance of their partner for the duration of the relationship?
- How can your man get you to workout?
Rx Fitness Lady
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I had a snort laugh at your title today. Go girl to your Pastor’s wife!
Ridiculousness foolishness: My husband got a call from a parent (the wife) AFTER she had received her photo package back with child’s football picture. She said, “This isn’t what I ordered…”. We pull up the order form (I scan all of them). That is what she ordered. She says, “Well that’s not what I wanted. I told my husband to get the such and such.” …”Well ma’am that’s not what’s on the order form.” She huffs and says, “So you’re saying I’m just SOL” (except she didn’t say SOL). He said basically said, “Yeah but you’re welcome to order what you wanted.” She needed to be barking at her husband not mine. I’m so glad I’m not the one in charge of customer service.
Kenya G. Johnson recently posted…Guest Posting on Tech Bytes…
Customer service is real everywhere! Wouldn’t have thought children’s pictures would warrant a headache too!
Wow!… Good post Joi. You speak like you have been married for years ( I know you aren’t though) but nevertheless you are correct. Marriage is a partnership that is sacred. But it is up to him or her to WANT to live healthy and look that way as well.
Amen! The 2 should motivate each other but not tear each other down!
Smh at these dudes out here. My husband is the opposite. He doesn’t want me to lose any weight, he respects my gym hustle but he wants me to keep the booty. Lol! I. Agree with you, if a dude wants to cheat, he will. Physical appearance is irrelevant! Yaaaaaas to preachers wife, werk honey!
Nellie recently posted…Weekly Wednesday Workout: Tricep Pushups
Don’t they all want us to keep the boo-tay!
Oh – interesting topic today for sure!!!
Thankfully I don’t haven’t been faced with Chris gaining weight – he is within 5 pounds of our marriage weight (17.5 years ago) and wears the same size – I don’t think I would mind a bit of weight gain but laziness I don’t do!!! (good thing he doesn’t have the lazy gene!)
I think that people change over the years – part of aging but for me, it’s all about putting in the effort to be your best.
Love that your pastor’s wife still rocks the heels!
Kim recently posted…A Man/Boy in Uniform
Anyone in the house with you should be shame for being lazy! They have the perfect role model!
I can admit that it is hard balancing it all (working, motherhood, and TRYING to live a healthier lifestyle) so I agree with your advice about the man offering to help out more so she can make time for working out. Wake up early to get the kids ready or Cook dinner after work so she can take a morning (or evening) run. Go to the gym WITH her so that she can feel more comfortable. Convince her that’s quality time they could spend together. If she doesn’t want to do that, then they can’t really force them…like you said…it’s something they are going to want to have to do on their home.
Britton recently posted…Ticks or Muggers? – The Debate of Raising in the City vs. the Country
YEP, can’t force it, but surely they can make it super easy to transition into a new routine!
Yep, I get this one too! Men never fully understand how hard it is for women to be EVERYTHING and then exercise on top of it. I’m lucky b/c I love to workout. I wish I heard more women with this complaint b/c let me tell you – there’s some husbands out there who need to sweat – badly!!!!
Allie recently posted…Any Given Race Day
YES! Women are so unconditional with the love! Men are…well MEN!
I wouldn’t say it’s ridiculous to want the person to be the exact same size 20 years later, but if the spouse has literally blown up, and it’s not because of a medical condition, it would put a damper on things for me, to say the least.
I think if I had to name an ism that I have, it would be size-ism. I really can’t with super huge people who don’t have an illness and won’t do anything to get their ish together on the health/fitness front. Just can’t.
Alison recently posted…Ask Away Friday with Mrs. Tee: Love, Life, and Laughter
WHOA now Alison! Heavy comment! I know people with similar sentiments!
I am trying to be as motivational as I can in sharing everything that I do to help ppl live healthy active lifestyles but some people just don’t have the desire.
First of all…to your pastor’s wife…that’s what I’m talking about! My kind of lady! My kids(mainly *oldest* son) talk a whole lot of junk concerning my style(he’s just jealous that hubby still thinks I’ve got it going on), lol! My daughter on the other hand LOVES that her mother tries to stay as young as possible. 😀 You know what they say…a man can always tell how his wife will look based on how her mother looks(so I guess she has an ulterior motive for liking my style,) lol! I’m a firm believer that as we grow older we should also be evolving. There’s no reason why we should be walking around looking like Grandma Dukes. Okay see Joi, there you go again…got me rantin’ and ravin’! 😀 Anywho, now what were we talking about? Oh yeah, men and exercising…
I must commend the men for even asking your advice, some people can be just flat out rude, so kudos to them for their sensitivity. It’s easy to let yourself go, but we must have some resolve about ourselves. I agree, if there’s not an underlying condition(trauma, medical, etc.), there’s no reason someone should become twice, sometimes triple the size they were when they first met someone. In cases like that, you best believe we’re gonna be talking! As always, thanks Joi for going there! 😉
Michell recently posted…Doing YOU WELL Wednesday #36 and a state championship
You can always find the good in people Michell! You do have a point, the men are trying by asking!
Your daughter will be most fabulous if she turns out like her Mother!
I know I need to lose weight don’t need the hubs to tell me although mines will say so. When he tells me to lose weight I tell him to help out around the house more and relieve me with the kids he disappears…….My hubs actually likes me better bigger he said I was sticks when he first met me and he wanted me to lose weight he says you just need to lose 30 lbs and stop right there.
Kita recently posted…Pinteresting Wednesday
I meant to say gain weight
Kita recently posted…Pinteresting Wednesday
Men are so choosy with their women, lose it, gain it, now lose it…make up your mind Mister!
You crack me up. No, I’m not turned off by my husband gaining weight, although he gets very down on himself. My sister met her serious boyfriend in a crossfit class. I guess they have similar values and similar schedules, and similar physiques too!
Tamara recently posted…Something So Right.
Always good to hook up with someone with similar interest. A fit person dating an unfit (more so lazy) person will be turned off by the lack of trying! At least, that’s my thought!
Smh. My husband won’t work out with me. Period. Lol I guess I am the man in our relationship. In his defense, he is tall and slim and doesn’t want to do anything that will make him lose weight…but he can still weight train? Sheesh. Lol
Kimberly {Manifest Yourself} recently posted…Journey to Wellness 10.9
I agree! There are health benefits beyond just losing weight!
It’s a reversed situation over here. I kept taking pics of my hubs under the guise of “I’m just doing photography”, in the hopes that he would really see himself — the weight he was gaining. And finally he did see it. That last pic I took was the one that got him off the couch. BOOM!
Yum Yucky recently posted…Greedy Baby describes the horror of Mountain Climbers
Now that’s a way to light a fire under someone!! I need to take a play from this book with my hubby 🙂
KalleyC recently posted…The Tell {Almost} All Exposé
Lol, a very good way!
I’m not married but I’m not with the weight gain after marriage either…especially if it’s from being lazy…..but of course I will make it a couples thing and workout together!!!! But if I don’t start working out with him now…I can hang up working out when we’re married!!!! But watch out for people trying to get your man fat b/c that’s how they was raised…..
So my mother loves to cook and every time I go to visit and my man isn’t with me she send him a plate!!!! When she calls she ask about him and say, “are you feeding him”…..Well he ain’t no small dude and he’s not too large either, but the way my mother wants to feed him is a problem…I told her , If my guy get too over weight and out of control I’m gonna send him to her ….she laughs because she thinks I’m joking!!!!
I’m so fo’real!!! Lol!!!
PINEVIEWWWWW!
i’m exercising when i get good and ready. period. The Girl (my daughter)…is a fitness fanatic and she really motivates me. if you try to change your lifestyle simply because someone else wants you to do it, you’ll never be successful or committed to it.
miss donna recently posted…keep the change | $20 budget – August
That is very true!
OOoooohhhhh. Good topic. I know that for me I do not look like the girl who my husband met. I was a 138lbs and rock solid.But I was also a total head case. I gained 40lbs pdq in recovery and I know I had probably cried dozens of times telling him that I feel so bad that I don’t look like the girl he first met. He is the sweetest thing ever. He told me he finds me beautiful and attractive at any weight. He did say he would worry about my health but that the weight didn’t effect him being attracted to me. Now, he might have been lying through his teeth but he has always made me feel sexy. I think one of the biggest reasons that men want their women to lose weight and get in shape(besides finding them more attractive) is because a women carries herself differently when she feels attractive. Before I lost these 55lbs I always felt frumpy, inferior to other women, and not sexy. AND I felt like it was my job to point that out constantly and whine about my weight. If Cole did ever pay me a compliment about my body I immediatly rejected it because I didn’t feel good about the way I looked so I wouldn’t accept others giving me any sort of praise. TMI, but I also didn’t feel sexy when he and I were “together” so lights were off and the times were few and far between. HOW ON EARTH is a man or women supposed to find their spouse attractive under all of that self pitty self hatred crap?! I noticed that when I started losing weight I started feeling sexier and I started having more self confidence. That translated to me accepting my husband’s compliments AND being more receptive and sexy in the bedroom. I can totally see where a woman or man that gets healthy could also look and feel sexier making for a better relationship.
Whenever you blog about your husband, I always feel like God just sent him to you! He is always so wonderful! I remember the tribute post you did for him very well!
Interesting post! I really feel it is important to be in a relationship where you both have unconditional love no matter what BUT that you both want to invest enough in that relationship so you want to be healthy and be attractive to each other. Cheaters will cheat. They will cheat on the most gorgeous girl – so it’s not excuse. But nagging someone, or making someone feel bad certainly won’t help. Offering to do more so that the person has more time to dedicate to fitness is a good start. But, really, it’s about your own internal motivation.
Leah Davidson recently posted…Welcome New Look!
Yes it is, but support is extremely helpful! They surely will cheat no matter what!
I thought this post was going in a whole ‘nother direction at first. S/O to your pastor’s wife! The responses you are giving to those inquiring guys sounds good to me. My husband and I are definitely not the same size we were when we starting dating (15 and 17). But we love each other unconditionally so…
But buying me some new work out clothes would surely get me motivated to “work something out”.
Kimberly H. Smith recently posted…I’ve Got Sunshine (In My Temptations Voice)
Oh, I always suggest a new outfit for motivation. It always works!
You used the perfect pic. lol. Would be irrelevant except for the fact that his wife is still rocking it at 80… makes it relevant.
Both my husband and I have gained weight since we gotten together. I’ve gained almost 20 pounds since we got married…I’m not sure how much he’s gained. We are both very tall, health conscious and within our healthy weight ranges…
Once in a while my hubs will go above and beyond to help out with the kiddies so I can get an extra workout or run in, but usually I get it done super early so that it doesn’t interfere with a normal activities.
Hope recently posted…My Top Three Christian Running Beats
It may seem unfair, but I always suggest that to mothers. It’s better to get up when all are sleeping than to be feeling guilty shooting them the dueces when they are all going to some kid function…ya know, all that stuff ya’ll mommas do, lol!
Yep, yep! I’ve had this conversation. Many a time. Ultimately it has to be the woman’s decision to workout and take care of herself. I do have to say that most of the men don’t look the same either so I’m not sure why they say silly things like that. And I totally agree. They are going to cheat. They are just trying to justify it to you.
Carla recently posted…Famous Red Lobster Shrimp Scampi Recipe
Glad to know my other fellow instructors get this nonsense and it’s not just me! I often feel like they could stand to lose a few too!
NO MAN IN MY LIFE so clearly I am living the way I do for MOI!!! 😀
GiGi Eats Celebrities recently posted…This One Takes The Cake
That’s exactly how it should be!
lol!! For me the simple answer is threefold, and it holds for either person in the relationship asking the question.
1) Set a good example.
2) Provide healthy meals that you can control.
3) Don’t nag. People have to be ready and willing.
Don’t nag <<<< Very true! That will only bring them down!
I don’t know what you’re talking about, Joi. My body’s a temple. True, sometimes it feels like Temple University, if I’m not moving quite enough, but when I’ve got a little momentum going, and I get fitness going in the right direction, I feel like I could kick my college me’s arse.
So here’s what I think about fitness and relationships. It’s a two-way street. I love to workout. My husband mildly enjoys it but would not do it half as much if I didn’t encourage, badger and most importantly offer to do it with him. I make it a priority for us to go on bike rides together. I hate running but will do it if he comes with me (he enjoys it). Also, have these guys ever thought that maybe their significant other does not think they look like Ryan Gossling???
FitBritt@MyOwnBalance recently posted…Racism
I like that! I enjoy seeing couples work out together. I’ve never been into it personally but that is in house motivation and accountability…LOVE IT!
Love in a marriage is unconditional. You take that oath for better or for worst, In sickness and in health. Therefore, the size only should not be that important. However , everybody likes something good to look at. I think you should try to look the best you can.
Well said!
I think your advice back to the dude is the best. Make it easy!
Kristiina recently posted…I will.
This post could have gone completely left. Folks who cheat cannot and should not justify it by stating that their mate is or is not fine, fit, and fabulous. As if…On the other hand, it is necessary to try to be healthy and put your shine on. Your man/woman wants something nice to look at. Yes?
Andrea recently posted…Be the Boss: Britni Danielle
I agree! Cheating because of weight is a cop out!
Absolutely…you have to do it for you. Men cheating for that reason…give me a break. I bet anything those cheaters are doing a lot wrong and just wanting to excuse themselves. Ridiculous.
Michelle recently posted…Celebrating the Little Things in Life {Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party}
Completely ridiculous!
I love, love, love this post. Nowadays, there is no reason for letting yourself go ( except for sickness or something traumatic). There is way too much free information to help a sister keep herself together. I mean, who wants to look like Aunt Jemima when you don’t have to? You Tube and Google have all types of free self-help. Therefore, money should not be an issue. I hate to see women look bad because they have neglected themselves. We, as women, must TAKE the needed time to make up and fix up. If we do this, we can always be the best that we can be!
Good point to point out all the free information and workouts available. There are no excuses. We just have to muster up the will!
Awesome post, Joi. And I love your response to them about helping out more with the kids/house, which enables us to have more “me” time. You sound like a seasoned wife/mom. Snap! It’s true, men can “offer” and give us cues, but the woman has to WANT to do it for herself. That’s just the truth. Any mom will tell you they are too exhausted to work out. I promise, there is no energy left!! IRONICALLY, the more you start working out, the more energy you GET in your daily endeavors! 🙂 My husband has never pressured me to work out, even after straying from my wedding day weight and adding baby weight. However, I needed to do it for myself. So I did. And I am much happier.
XOXO,
Meredith
Meredith recently posted…~ Fall Mantle ~ And a Thank You ~
I’m glad you are happy! Working out regularly brings on a specific type of euphoria that is unexplainable to people who don’t do it!
You are right about that. You have to do it for you. Sometimes I feel like I am leaving my husband “behind” in my journey but he’s not ready. I use to need him to be motivated but now that my mindset is different. I do it for ME.
Teems recently posted…Ask Away Friday (Link Up)
I’m glad you made that transition…smooth sailing from there!
I wish I can say I have the same problem but Mr. C says what kind of man he is, TNA kinda man (to be blunt) so me losing my weight is all for me. I have to do what I can while watching these kids over here. Trying to find ways to lift weights (other than the 20lb baby).
KalleyC recently posted…The Tell {Almost} All Exposé
There are all kinds of creative and fun workouts for home Kalley!
Now that’s what I’m talking about – 80+ years old and rocking the 6″ stilettos! Go ‘head First Lady!
While weight isn’t necessarily an issue for me, a lack of energy definitely is. My husband is starting to “tease” me about it. He’ll joke and say that I’m getting old, or that I act like I’m falling apart. That’s his way of telling me that I need to start exercising – and I can admit that he’s right.
Kennie recently posted…Fall Decor and Fleur de Lis
You would have more energy for sure Kennie! The key is finding something that you really enjoy doing!
if a man loves you…he loves you. but of course it’s good to look good for the man you love. as much as my husband loves me….i know he loves when i am in shape because it’s just soo much more fun that way. but he loves me even when i am not in shape! best of both worlds i suppose!
Yes, that’s how it should be. I enjoy the confidence that comes with being in shape! However, realistically I know I want to have children so this body won’t always look like this and a man should be able to love me anyway!